So this past week the unthinkable happened…I ate starch! Now this may not seem like a big deal but let me explain. My eating program is very strict…not restrictive…but strict. There are certain rules that you follow for optimum weight loss, and while you are in the “boot camp” phase you don’t eat any sugar and you don’t eat starch. To further my sins I ate starch combined with protein, which from a digestion perspective is a huge no.
Here is my story…
I have a couple weeks off and the my kids LOVE going to the ROM…they may get their looks from daddy, but I have cultivated little nerd hearts in both of them. We decided to do the ROM on one day, stay over and then hit up The Ontario Science Centre the next day. All was going well until it came time for lunch…the choices at the ROM were not program friendly…so we didn’t eat anything. This was a big mistake, I should have been prepared for this too happen, but honestly, we have always been able to find something. By the time dinner came around I was starving, and so was hubby. We ate a program friendly meal at the Pickle Barrel and then went back to the hotel.
After our family swim everyone was hungry again…we ordered some room service and that is when it happened. My plain wings had a dusting of flour…it maybe would have been a tablespoon, possibly two. I was so hungry though that the thought of not eating it only crossed my mind for about 20 seconds. This was on top of the yogurt and nuts that I had brought with me.
It brought to mind one of the eight pillars of my eating program…being prepared…I had blithely gone along assuming that I could get what I needed, you know what happens when you assume…you go off program.
There is a silver lining to this story, I am much more aware of making sure I have what I need to eat healthy and on time. It also helped me to realize the progress I have made in my emotional struggles with food. This would have been enough to derail me completely only a year or even 10 months ago. This time I acknowledged that it had happened and carried on the next day. Remember that everyday is a chance to do it perfectly, a clean slate to follow the right path. Don’t let your past dictate poor choices in the future, you are in control!
I hit another milestone recently…I have reached the half-way point in my journey to get healthy, I have lost 55 lbs. This is a bit of a bitter-sweet moment really. On one side I am so proud of myself for staying the course and making the big changes in my life. I have developed self-control and have really started to battle my emotional eating.
On the other hand, I am a little ashamed that this was my reality for so long. For those that are not gifted in the math department…this still means that I have 55 lbs more to go, and frankly I am not sure that goal will be my end point.
When I started this program I knew I had a huge amount of weight to get rid of and I knew that my eating was really an addiction. I was binge eating, and hiding it. I used food to stuff my feelings and I was seeing my health really take a nose dive. I had reached a point where my eating and health was out of control and I really wasn’t sure if I could picture a reality where that wasn’t the case.
I set the goal so that my weight would be a nice round number that appealed to my anal retentive tendencies, but I don’t really know if that will be my healthy weight…my true goal.
I have been asked when I will stop, and my answer is usually, when I like what I look like or when I finally weigh less than my husband or even getting into a particular size…but the truth is that I don’t really know. I see myself being in the boot camp phase for weight loss until at least January of 2018. I will assess where I am going at that point.
One of the great things about my journey is that I have an amazing support system and I am learning more about myself with each goal that I hit. The other thing is that, had I told myself I would be at this point when I started my journey I would have laughed…so for those that are where I was in January…keep on keeping on. I am rooting for you!
I went clothes shopping last night. I needed some pants that didn’t make me look like I was wearing a saggy diaper. I got some great clothes, on sale, that I think look really good and should see me through for the next little while.
The store was busy and there were several women also trying on clothes and swimsuits. I was there with my fashion super team, my mom and my daughter. We quickly scouted out what I wanted and then looked at tops to match.
While I had a good experience, judging by the comments in the dressing room, others were not. There were complaints about fit and how they looked and what they wished they could change. I had three thoughts as I listened to what the other women were saying:
- That use to be me, I like it much better now that I am happy with my body, with the progress that I am making.
- I hope that my daughter is distracted and not listening to all these women speak so horribly about themselves.
- I know a way that then can change their lives, I wish I could share my story with them.
I was commenting to my mom, in the car, about the fit of plus-sized clothing, especially for those above the 1x size and was talking about how I wished I could share my story with the women in the dressing room. This continued to be something I thought about through the evening and then I stopped for a moment…had I become a Judgy McJudgerson? Had I morphed into one of those people that expect that everyone eat like I do and look a certain way and just don’t understand how people just can’t take control of their lives? The thought almost crippled me, had my transformation gone so far that I was transformed into something very ugly on the inside? It was a moment of deep self-reflection, this was not what my getting healthy pledge was about.
Of course, as people ask me about my weight loss (since 54 lbs gone is hard to miss) I share with others what I am doing and how I have been successful. But to be frank, it was never about the impact this journey had on others, it was always all about me. After some deep soul searching I came to the conclusion that wanting to share something that has been nothing short of life-changing to people who are openly expressing that they are unhappy isn’t judgy, but I could see it either coming off as that or becoming that, if I am not careful.
It is always my intention to lift others up and encourage, I know too well the sting of words spoken, even with well-meaning intentions.
This past week my family and I went camping…I am not what you would call a back-to-nature kind of girl, but I can appreciate a great sunset from the comfort of my lounger in my screened off porch…if you get my meaning. My family loves to camp though, so each summer we pack up the trailer…tenting was so 2015…and get ready for extreme family bonding.
We explore, go on hikes and encounter wild life…some cute-like the grouse and her chicks, and some that send me screaming at a dead run for the trail head. My children got to see Mom’s reaction when she saw a snake…bound to build memories to last a life-time.
We also eat camping food…this year that looked a little different…but with the proper planning, it can be done. Between the s’mores, roasted hot-dogs, fries and other banned items, I can’t say that I wasn’t tempted. I was craving starches like nobody’s business…but it just wasn’t worth it. I was feeling energetic and the hiking was soooooooooo much easier this year…I think I even ran faster when I saw the snake.
My journey has really become more then a diet or a program, it has become about the way I want to feel and how I want to live my life. It has become about playing with my kids and setting a good example for them. It has become about feeling beautiful in my own skin. I would never have believed that this would be possible six months ago when I started this journey. AS I continue I am expecting it to get even better.