Like most people in this crazy world I sometimes feel overwhelmed by all that I need to do, especially on the weekends. That time that I want to spend recharging and hanging out with family ends up being that crazy cycle of laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping and trying to fit that ever elusive “quality time” in with the kids.
One big hindrance in my life is my way over-developed sense of guilt…you know what I am talking about, the idea that I have so many things to do that I don’t really do any of them well and that everyone is disappointed in me. There was actually another blogger who talked about this very thing this weekend…the title was something like how Having It All, Kinda Sucks. I could relate, so well! Now, I will take responsibility for my own guilt…those in my life don’t put it there and are in fact very encouraging. I need to remember that I don’t have to be perfect to be remarkable.
It did get me thinking about expectations, mine, others, society and how this plays into what our expectations are. Maybe we need to give ourselves a break, maybe I need to give myself a break. As with all other difficult emotions, my previous cycle would be to eat until the feelings of guilt went away…I don’t do that any more, but I did have really strong cravings for fried food this weekend. The physical cravings take about two weeks to go away, but the emotional cravings of comfort still pop up, even after 11 months on the program. My solution was to eat a couple gluten-free, sugar-free hotdogs…I am such a rebel.
I did manage to get most of what I hoped done and to spend some great time with hubby and the kids, but I have to be honest my striving to fit it all in stressed me out. I went to bed last night reviewing my “To Do” list to make sure I hadn’t missed a trick, and slept like crap because I couldn’t shut my brain off. Maybe I need to admit that while I love the idea the “perfect life” it is just not realistic, or particularly healthy. I shall bail the water out of my boat on and hope to find that balance between work, home and self.